Fox and Tortle Show, Episode VI

The Fox and Tortle Show has been CANCELLED!
Both Fox and Tortle have expressed their interests to pursue different ventures. Please stay tuned for the nightly news...



Welcome to the Channel 3 nightly news! Now, for tonight's top stories...


Microsoft's Bill Gates released the newest version of Windows, amid numerous allegations of monopolistic practices and world domination. Gates, shown here in his usual attire, claims these allegations to be preposterous with the release of the newest version of this software, Windows 2000 GE, the Galactic Empire edition.



Al Gore named his running mate for the 2000 presidential election, Connecticut Senator Joseph Lieberman last week. Lieberman is known for his rebuke of President Clinton during the Monica Lewinski affair. Gore denies that this is just a scheme to appeal to voters who distrust Clinton.



In a related story, Gore was in the running to play Sebastian Caine in the recent theatrical hit, Hollow Man. Producers opted against Gore, claiming he was, quote, "too transparent".



Bob Hope is recovering well from his recent health scare. Hope, shown here, is well renowned for his youthful energy. Hope's doctors say that he is feeling well and has never looked better.



Sir Alec Guiness passed away last week at the age of 86. He is known for his roles in such movies as Great Expectations and Star Wars. Guiness openly resented the Star Wars phenomena and its fans. However, the Star Wars movies are the ones from which he will be best remembered. Poetic justice? Or Guiness' own personal hell? You decide...



Those are tonight's top stories. Please stay tuned for the TortFiles, right after these messages. Good night!



What happens when you put a Queens woman in the same house as a Shogun Warrior? You get outrageous hilarity on...






Watch Gaiking of Queens only on this station!




Welcome to TortFiles! Check this out... this is an extremely dangerous piss viper. You can see the distinct piss-coloring here...


Oh, he's getting grumpy! That's his warning position! He's saying, "Get back, or I'll strike!" You're okay, bloke... These snakes are known for their distinct urine odor...



Look how aggressive he is! Naughtly little snake! No worries, mate.... What a BEAUTIFUL animal! These snakes are vital to the ecosystem. It's important that we preserve them for future gen...



GAA..!









Crikey, it's a good thing I had that thermal detonator! Remember, conservation is the key to the survival of wildlife... conservation of ammo, that is! See you next time!